


trust in yourself like i do

by sunglaze



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Sad Choi Soobin, Taebin - Freeform, captain soobin and his trusty crew taehyun, cysm era, im sorry for making him sad here, soobin writes to taehyun, this is once again inspired by a song, trust line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27873393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunglaze/pseuds/sunglaze
Summary: On the days that Soobin feels too overwhelmed by his own thoughts, Taehyun is there to catch him.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 67





	trust in yourself like i do

**Author's Note:**

> hello! 
> 
> i've had this in my drafts for quite a while now, so i decided to post it for soobin's birthday ! happy birthday to our amazing leader <3
> 
> this is inspired by pov by ariana grande - listen to it on repeat while reading this if u wanna feel 2x the emotions
> 
> enjoy reading!

It’s 3am on a Saturday and Soobin is lying on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He hugs his knees to his chest and he rests his head against his forearm. The shower is left running in an attempt to let the sound of the water drown out his heavy breaths.

They arrived home two hours ago, so Soobin assumes that the rest of the members had already gone to bed. As soon as they stepped out of the company van, the boys took turns shouting that they’ll be the first to shower, and proceeded to run to the elevator.

Soobin had just let them – he didn’t have the energy to join their playful fights. He wanted to be alone for the night.

The leader sits on the floor with his back leaning against the wet shower wall. It’s taking a bit long for the water to drain, so the water rises and rises until it’s just high enough to soak his socked feet. Soobin grimaces, but he can’t find it in himself to care. He lets the warm water soak up as he breathes in the heat of the bathroom.

He lets his thoughts consume him as the shower continues to run. It takes a while for him to realize that his breaths have gotten much heavier, and the wetness on his face isn’t the water from the shower anymore.

Once he realizes that he’s been crying, Soobin starts to find it hard to breathe. He struggles to take in air, but it’s _too_ hot in the room that breathing in only makes him feel more suffocated. He chokes on his own breath as he feels his throat closing up – like it’s not allowing the air into Soobin’s body, like it’s trapping his sobs and thoughts and everything else in his frail body.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opens. Soobin looks up from his spot.

His sight is a bit blurry, but he can make out a figure with bright red hair. It’s Taehyun.

“Hyung? Are you crying?”

“...I thought I locked the door.”

Taehyun approaches the shower. He turns the knob and the water stops in an instant. The younger gently kneels down as he comes down to Soobin’s eye level.

“What’s wrong, hyung?”

Soobin stares at Taehyun’s knees. His pajamas are getting soaked from the water that still hasn’t gone down the drain. The fabric turns into a darker blue as more water seeps into it.

“You’re getting yourself wet.”

Taehyun sighs, “That doesn’t matter right now, hyung. C’mon.”

He takes Soobin’s elbow and slowly raises the older up with him as he stands.

Taehyun leads Soobin out of the bathroom. Once they’re out of the humid room, Soobin immediately feels the cold air in the living room pierce his skin, particularly where he got himself soaked from the shower.

Slowly, Taehyun guides him to the couch. They sit together and Taehyun faces his leader.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Soobin starts, “I...”

Taehyun looks at him with patience, not interrupting him, but only showing through his eyes that he’s ready to listen.

It takes a while for Soobin to speak again.

“I don’t know how to say it,” The older sighs, “I want to tell you, but I don’t know how.”

“Wait here,” Taehyun gets up from the couch and heads to his shared room with Kai.

It takes quite a while for Taehyun to return, and in that moment, Soobin wonders if Taehyun had simply given up on trying to figure out what’s bothering their leader.

Taehyun enters the room once again, but this time, he brings something with him.

Of couse, Soobin thinks, Taehyun isn’t like that. Never like that.

The boy sits down next to him again, and Soobin feels relief at the weight that makes the couch sink down. There’s something about the presence of Taehyun beside him that eases his mind, even if it’s just for a while.

Taehyun places the object that he brought with him on the space between them. It’s a notebook.

“You can write them down.” Taehyun says, “So you don’t have to worry about how you’ll say it. You can cross out your words a hundred times, or you can say whatever even if it seems vague. As long as you’re able to feel better afterwards.”

Soobin takes the notebook into his lap. He opens it to the first page – it’s blank. The rest of the pages are completely blank, too.

“It’s up to you if you want to show them to me,” Taehyun continues. “If you think that would help you feel better, then you can show me. If you’re not ready to show me but you want to, then I can wait.”

Soobin looks at Taehyun’s face. The light coming from the bathroom hits hit face softly. Even amidst the dark, Soobin can see the concern and sincerity in Taehyun’s eyes.

“Okay.”

Soobin feels Taehyun’s arms wrap around his shoulders. The weight of the younger’s arms pulls them closer together, until Soobin is chest to chest with him, and his arms are wrapped around his waist. The notebook is awkwardly stuck between them and a corner of it pokes Soobin’s ribs, but he doesn’t mind. Taehyun’s warmth spread to his own cold body, and it melts the rest of his worries away.

After a while, Taehyun moves away from the hug, but Soobin tightens his hold on him.

“Stay for a while,” He mutters against Taehyun’s neck. “I’m a bit cold and you’re warm.”

Taehyun laughs breathily and presses himself back against Soobin, “Okay, hyung.”

They stay like that for a while as Soobin lets Taehyun’s warmth seep into him.

When they get home from their schedule the next day, Soobin shows up at Taehyun and Kai’s shared room. He knocks, and in a short moment, the door opens to reveal Taehyun. Soobin looks over and sees Kai sleeping soundly with the blanket pulled all the way up to his chin.

“Are you busy?”

“No,” Taehyun says, “At least not for you. What is it, hyung?”

Soobin stretches out his arm to reveal the notebook that he’s holding.

“I wanted to show you.”

“Oh,” Taehyun takes the notebook with hesitation, “Okay.”

The younger shuts the door softly behind him and leads the two of them to the couch. They sit side by side, and Taehyun places the notebook on his lap and pauses as if he’s waiting for Soobin’s signal.

“It’s okay,” Soobin laughs, “You can read it. I want you to.”

And so, Taehyun opens the notebook. The first page is left unmarked. He flips to the second page and sees that it’s filled with paragraphs in Soobin’s familiar handwriting.

The first line reads, _Taehyun-ah_ ,

_Oh._ It’s written to him.

Taehyun continues reading.

_Taehyun-ah,_

_I don’t know how to start this, honestly. You know I’m grateful for you, right? And I trust you enough to tell you all of this. So, I guess I’ll just... write?_

_Do you ever feel like you’re never doing anything right? Or maybe that, you know that you can do better than what you’re doing right now, and you want to, but for some reason, you just can’t push yourself to. It’s hard to push myself to do better. On some days, it’s like I’m looking at myself through another person and I can point out all my mistakes and imperfections. Do you ever feel like that, Taehyun? It’s so hard to go on when I’m so aware of what I’m doing. I guess what they say is right – ignorance is bliss. Maybe not in the way that it originally means, but I think that I’d live better without being so self-aware. Ah, I’m sorry I’m dumping so much all of this on you. You can stop reading if you want. Or not. I don’t know. Maybe I want you to read it all._

_If I’m gonna be honest, when you all voted me to be leader, I kind of doubted myself. Could I do this? Could I lead all five of us on the right path? How could I do it when I, myself, am feeling so lost? The pressure was overwhelming. Somewhere along the way, I learned to put those thoughts away._

_But for some reason, they came back lately – and they keep me up at night. Have I been doing well? What do the guys think of me? Do they trust me? Do you trust me, Taehyun?_

Taehyun drops the notebook and faces Soobin.

“Hyung, I trust you. With everything that I have.”

“You’re just saying–“

“No, I’m not just saying that,” Taehyun looks at him with earnest eyes, “We chose you as a leader for a reason. You may not see it, but you’re reliable, trustworthy, and a safe space for all the members.”

Soobin feels the raw emotions in Taehyun’s voice and sees the sincerity in his eyes that it feels almost overwhelming.

“You’re home to me, Soobin-hyung.”

Taehyun takes Soobin’s hands in his. He traces over the lines of his palm, and then he finally slots their fingers together.

“You make me feel safer more than anyone else.”

Soobin pulls Taehyun to his chest, and then they’re wrapping their arms around each other, just like the other night.

Not wanting to let go, Taehyun turns around so that his back is against Soobin’s chest. Soobin complies and wraps his arms around Taehyun’s waist and hooks his chin over the younger’s shoulder. He takes the notebook from where it was dropped on the couch and continues reading where he left off.

Soobin buries his face into Taehyun’s neck.

“This is embarrassing,” He mutters.

Taehyun laughs, “It’s fine, hyung. You can just close your eyes.”

Soobin does as he says. He leans his head against Taehyun’s and closes his eyes, letting the younger’s warmth spread to him.

_I can’t help but go over these thoughts when I’m by myself. Everything is fine when we have a schedule, since I’m able to focus on something else other than my thoughts. But when I’m alone and it’s silent, all those thoughts fill up my mind all at once, and it’s like I can’t breathe._

Taehyun brings his hand down to where Soobin’s is, around his waist, and squeezes the older’s hand in assurance.

_You know, I always wonder how you do it. You’re so much more rational than me. You know how to think straight, and when any problem arises, you go through it like you’ve done it a thousand times. How do you do that, Taehyun?_

_At this point, I’m just rambling – sorry. I really don’t know to explain everything well. I’ll stop here, I guess._

_You’re right, by the way. This did help me feel better._

_Soobin._

Taehyun sets the notebook back down. He goes over his own thoughts and emotions that were brought by Soobin’s letter. Letter _to him._

“Hyung,” He says after a while.

“Mm?” There’s a hint of drowsiness in Soobin’s tone.

“Where do I even start?” Taehyun sighs, “Can we lie down? You seem a bit sleepy.”

Soobin nods as Taehyun maneuvers them in a way that they’re both lying on the couch that seems a little too small for two grown men. But somehow, they fit together.

Taehyun rests his cheek on his arm as he observes Soobin’s face. There’s a little frown on his face, as if he’s nervous for what Taehyun has to say. Out of habit, the younger’s left hand comes up and he massages Soobin’s forehead in an attempt out smoothen out his frown.

“You don’t have to look so worried, hyung.”

“I just,” Soobin breathes out and relaxes at Taehyun’s touch, “I feel like I just shoved my bare heart to you.”

“Really? Then it’s an honor,” Taehyun smiles softly, “That you trust me this much.”

Soobin slowly closes his eyes as Taehyun continues to massage his temples.

“And I trust you just as much. No – even more than that. Because you’re Soobin and you’re my leader. You’ve been there for me all the time, and I can assure you that you’re leading us to the right path. It’s because of you that we’ve come this far. I’m being truthful here, hyung. You know I don’t let go of words I never mean.”

Soobin nods, “It’s... nice to hear that.”

“And, hyung? Forgive yourself a little. None of us are blaming anything on you – there’s nothing to blame. You’ve been doing so, so well.”

Soobin doesn’t speak for a while. Taehyun brings the older’s head closer to his chest, and hugs him even tighter.

“Taehyun-ah,” Soobin’s voice comes out a bit muffled from where his face is pressed against Taehyun’s chest.

“Thank you, really. You mean a lot more to me than you know.”

And just like that, the two of them fall asleep in each other’s arms on the small couch. It’s a bit of a squeeze, but their limbs tangle together just right that they’re able to rest comfortably.

_i wanna trust me_

_the way that you trust me_

_'cause nobody ever_

_loved me like you do_

_i'd love to see me from your point of view_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :D kudos and comments are very much appreciated!
> 
> and don't forget to greet soobin today!!
> 
> find me on twt @minizode


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